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Sometimes the feeling that the mattress is too firm comes from you simply being used to sleeping on a super soft mattress. You’ll probably adjust to the new one very soon. But other times, the mattress really is too firm – so much so that it consistently gives you poor sleep and leaves you in pain. This is where you should take action and make the mattress more suitable for yourself.
Signs and Symptoms of a Too-Firm Mattress
The first and most obvious sign that your mattress is too firm is when it feels extremely firm to the touch and doesn’t contour nor does it let your body sink in a little bit. When a mattress is way too firm, you wake up sore and in pain (shoulder pain for side sleepers, for example).
Here’s a list of the common symptoms pointing to a firm mattress:
- Waking up with back, neck, or shoulder pain
- Numbness and tingling in arms and hands
- Waking up feeling tired
- The mattress doesn’t contour to your body
- You get better sleep in a hotel
However, almost all of these symptoms are the same as symptoms of a generally bad mattress – whether it’s too soft, too old, or too cheap and unsupportive.
Another thing – some symptoms could be completely unrelated to your mattress. Poor sleep can be a result of many different problems and disorders. Joint pain could be a sign of arthritis, or just a lack of exercise.
For these reasons, you should first and foremost use common sense when determining whether the mattress is too firm. Some people love and benefit from extra firm mattresses, but at the same time, they might be in pain for other reasons.
Waking up with back, neck, or shoulder pain
Pain that comes from mattress firmness is typically a new mattress problem. Even memory foam mattresses, which are made to be ultra-comfortable, can be too firm and cause pain in the back or joints before they break in (a memory foam mattress can cause back pain due to other reasons as well, but it’s less common).
If a mattress is rock-solid firm, it could be similar to sleeping on the floor – the areas that your body pressed against the most will be the sorest and most painful and the pain you feel will be the strongest in the morning.
Side sleepers have pressure points on the shoulder and hip, back sleepers on the lower back, and stomach sleepers on the face, knees, and stomach.
Side sleepers tend to actually like firm mattresses – back sleepers a bit less so because if it’s too firm, they get painful lower back. Side sleepers tend to have the most complaints about firm mattresses because they not only get shoulder and hip pain but also most instances of neck pain.
Numbness and tingling in arms and hands
You might notice numbness in the morning or even be woken up by a dead arm. These imply that you probably sleep on an extra firm mattress.
Your blood can’t circulate in your limbs when you are on a firm surface and put pressure on them (such as when you’re lying on your stomach and your hand gets between your body and the mattress or when you put your arm under a pillow).
You wake up feeling tired
People often toss and turn when their sleeping surface is uncomfortable. You may not even be aware of how many times a night you wake up just to switch sides and lie in a sleeping position that isn’t supposed to be painful. When you add up all these things, you end up losing sleep – and sleep deprivation is no joke.
If you’re waking up in pain and feeling tired, chances are your mattress is to blame. If you’re only tired, or not necessarily tired, just feeling like you want to go back to sleep – it could be a common little thing they call sleep inertia.
The mattress doesn’t contour to your body
If you lie on a mattress and it doesn’t offer any contour, it’s too firm. Normally mattresses give way at least a bit to offer comfort. This is why there are comfort layers on the top side of mattresses.
Now, here’s an important detail – heavier people sink in more than lightweight sleepers, so the same mattress can be too soft for a 200-pound person and too firm and non-contouring for a petite, 105-pound person.
You get better sleep in a hotel
For most people, sleeping in a hotel is not as nice as sleeping at home. But when it comes to people with a mattress of wrong firmness, it gives them a much better night’s sleep.
The hotel is just an example. I’m not saying that you should buy one of those comfy hotel mattresses – not even that you need to book a night at a hotel to test this out. If you get well rested whenever you sleep on another bed – that’s one of the signs it could be the mattress.
Go to your guest room, ask a friend to stay over, or go to the nearest mattress store in your area and try out a few just to see if they feel any better.
How to Make Your Firm Mattress Softer
There are five simple things you can do to make your mattress a bit (or a lot) softer and more comfortable:
- Add a mattress topper or pad
- Change your mattress base
- Increase the temperature on your thermostat
- Wait for it to break in (if new)
- Flip or rotate the mattress
Add a mattress topper or pad
Place a mattress topper on your mattress. There are a few benefits to mattress toppers, one of which is that they make mattresses softer. If you get a topper that’s designed like a pillow top or a featherbed – you’re likely to solve your problem. They are very easy to find online.
If you have a mattress pad, you can try it out, but pads are usually not thick enough to make a bed feel softer. Alternatively, if you have a few comforters, place them one on top of the other and you’ll feel the difference.
This is for regular beds, but we also have guides on how to make air mattresses more comfortable and how to make futons more comfortable.
Change your mattress base
Innerspring mattresses that are too firm might become somewhat more comfortable if you place them on a box spring rather than on a solid platform bed.
In any case, whether it’s a hybrid, an innerspring, or a memory foam mattress, you should check the mattress base and think if there’s anything you could do to make the base more responsive. If you have other bed frames/bases in the house try using a different one for a while and see if it helps.
Your mattress matters but so does what goes under the mattress.
Increase the temperature on your thermostat
If you tend to sleep in a very cool room, see if you can increase the temperature a bit. Foam mattress firmness can depend on how warm or cold it is – foam materials are temperature sensitive and that means they’re softer in warmer environments.
Just don’t overdo it – high temperatures can disrupt your sleep and it’s generally not recommended to sleep in a warm room. Your body recognizes low temperature as a cue that it’s sleep time (what is called zeitgeber), so try turning it up a couple of degrees, not more.
Wait for it to break in (if new)
If you’re having problems with the firmness of a brand-new mattress, you’re not alone. A common solution is to just wait it out. Use the mattress normally – some manufacturers recommend walking (not jumping) on a new mattress to speed up the process of “softening up” the materials and making them more comfortable.
There really isn’t much philosophy on how to break in a new mattress. Just spend time in it. Or let a heavier family member spend time in it.
As the mattress breaks in, you’ll also “break in” – that is, get used to the new mattress and stop noticing those little things that were bothering you at first.
This is why mattress manufacturers offer sleep trials. This is a period of time (usually about three months) that allows you to return a mattress for free if you decide it’s not right for you. Many manufacturers won’t accept the return if you haven’t spent at least a couple of weeks in a mattress. That’s how sure they are that the mattress will break in and become comfier.
Flip or rotate the mattress
There are some general rules on why and how often to rotate or flip your mattress, and there could be an extra benefit to this. But it only works on some mattresses.
The “flippable” mattresses like Layla almost always have one side that’s firmer and one that’s softer. If you weren’t paying much attention when you were buying it, check again and see if that’s the case with yours.
But even if it isn’t, you can also try to at least rotate your mattress and see if it helps. It’s hardly going to make as much difference as a mattress topper, but when you’re in pain, it’s worth a try.
How to Find a Softer Mattress
If all you try fails and you end up returning the mattress, you can at least try to find a softer one next time. Here’s how to do it.
Check the mattress firmness rating
Manufacturers often post the mattress firmness scale and where their mattress falls on that scale (you can find this on the manufacturer’s website). Check the firmness level of your too-firm mattress and this time opt for one that’s at least one point softer.
Choose the correct type of mattress
Learn about different mattress types, materials, and what you can expect from each. Pick the right mattress based on your findings.
For example, an all-all foam mattress isn’t likely to be good for a heavy back sleeper, but a side sleeper of medium build might love it. Hybrid mattresses tend to be somewhat firmer and more supportive.
Read reviews
Finally, when you narrow down your choice, read the reviews. Look at articles that seem like they’re giving honest opinions – not just praising the product, but also showing its shortcomings. They should also be detailed enough to give you a good idea of what’s it like to sleep on that mattress.
Of course, also visit product reviews on Amazon or places like Reddit where people share their personal experiences.
FAQs
Yes, this is called breaking in and you should always count on the break-in period whenever you get a new mattress. During this period it’s going to be a bit firmer than how it’s actually meant to be. This period typically lasts up to a month or in some cases – longer.
In general – yes. If you’re a stubborn side sleeper – no. Also no if you’re too sensitive to firmness. Still, a lot of people who had back problems have solved them by placing a mattress on the floor or getting a platform bed – this doesn’t mean they used an extra firm mattress, just that a firmer bed proved better for them.
Conclusion
Your mattress might be too firm for you and your needs. You’ll know this if it gives you joint pain, a dead arm or tingles, poor sleep quality, and a constant struggle to find a comfortable position.
You can soften your mattress by using a topper, pad, or comforters, changing the mattress base, increasing the temperature, or just accepting it and letting it break in. Finally, you can try to rotate or flip the mattress and see if it helps. Next time, make sure to get a mattress of the right firmness and avoid all that trouble.
Next step: Read our Bear Elite Hybrid mattress review. If you accidentally bought a mattress that’s too firm and want something a little bit softer, then we think Bear is a good brand to choose. We go over the pros and cons so you can decide for yourself if it’s the right mattress for you.
With over 5 years experience writing about sleep and mattresses, she's considered one of the go-to experts on the topic.
She likes cycling, nature, art, and languages. She pays special attention to providing you with accurate and useful information when it comes to your sleep quality.
After solving her personal sleep and tiredness problems, she is on to help others by sharing this invaluable information.
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